i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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