totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
