Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
