We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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