you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
