Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
