Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
