She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How's work?
Spinning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize