I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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