and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
