i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize