how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
