my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
