whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
