If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
