Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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