I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
