She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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