Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
