Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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