Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
