At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
