so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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