So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
