Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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