its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
