So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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