Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
