No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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