I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
