So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
