What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
