zippers are such a cool invention
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
