have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need to get me chipped asap
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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