I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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