First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
