So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My vagina is officially offended.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
