Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
