Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
