You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
