I cannot find my penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize