i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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