Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
