Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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