He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
