Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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