The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
