Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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