when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
