let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
