Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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