Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
