So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
