she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize