I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I touched a dick in church today
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
