yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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