I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
