I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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