good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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