we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
