my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize