guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I supernannyed him into submission
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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