i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
