my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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