I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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