I like my sex mixed with concussions.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
