you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
