Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
