We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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