im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
