I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
