Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
