you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
