She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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