I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
