She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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