You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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