my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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