listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
