yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
