The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
