is your mom at the bar?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
