Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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