There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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