I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize