he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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