just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize