I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
