I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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