Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We smell like vodka and hangover
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