No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
