How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
