Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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