I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
