Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
