Please, let me fuck your mom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
