I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
