Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
