The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
