Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
