i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize