You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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