are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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