i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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