if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize