just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
