I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
